The Chocolate Revenge

Chocolates for Carl Edwards

About two weeks ago, the sales department got pizza for our weekly staff meeting. There were plenty of leftovers that were placed in the icebox for everyone to enjoy. Carl "the night guy" Edwards decided to take a couple pieces for himself but decided he didn't care much for it. Rather than throwing his away, he left his half eaten pieces in the box and just left all the pizza sitting on the counter overnight. When Boogie and I came in the following morning, both of us were thinking how good some cold pizza sounded. Unfortunately, Carl had left it all out just to rot instead.

When Carl went on Christmas vacation, Boogie and I decided to get even. The entire staff had received chocolates from the sales department so the Boog and I opened Carl's box and made sure to sample each piece. After passing the box around to the building for sampling, we rewrapped the gnawed up chocolates and put them in Carl's box. Above are the chocolates that had thumbprints, bite marks, etc. and we hope that Carl learned something from all of this. The most important lesson of course is to never trust the morning show staff.

The Virgin Indie Sandwich

The Virgin Indie Sandwich

Everyone is seeing visions in their foods, retail windows, cell phones, etc. so watch out next time you are eating a sandwich because you might see the Virgin Indie and be scared right out of your boxers. The above photo is an example of what you might see so PLEASE take this as your warning.

In Celebrity News . . .

Blender Top Ten Worst Rock Star Actors:
1. Madonna
2. Bob Dylan
3. Mariah Carey
4. Jon Bon Jovi
5. Elvis Presley
6. Britney Spears
7. Vanilla Ice
8. Neil Diamond
9. Gene Simmons
10. Master P

10,000 FIONA APPLE FANS FIGHT LABEL

Though Fiona Apple enjoyed platinum success with her first two albums, 1996's Tidal and 2000's When the Pawn ..., her third album, Extraordinary Machine, has been delayed by her record label, Epic Records. The album's producer, Jon Brion, says even though the CD has been finished since 2003, Sony has elected not to release it because -- in Brion's words -- it lacks "an obvious single."

In response, Fiona's fans are coming out in droves to sign an online petition at the website freefiona.com, which was started last month by Dave Muscato, a Missouri musician and huge Fiona fan, in an effort to get the album released.

The site has already received nearly 10,000 petition signatures, and Muscato is planning a demonstration outside Sony headquarters in New York City on January 28th to try to get even more people involved.

Freefiona.com is also asking people to make donations, which will raise money for Muscato and his team to send a fake apples to Sony BMG CEO Andrew Lack for every signature they receive. The mass mailing will go out on January 24th as part of a week-long campaign to urge the label to release Fiona's third set. T-shirts and other items are also available on the site to help support Muscato's "free Fiona" efforts.

20 Things To Do On An Elevator

Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.

Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.

Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"

Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.

Sell Girl Scout cookies.

On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.

Shave.

Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"

Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator.

Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.

Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.

One word: Flatulence!

On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.

Do Tai Chi exercises.

When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!"

Say "Ding!" at each floor.

Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."

Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."

Stare at your thumb and say "I think it's getting larger."

Fun Facts

The number of hours people have spent waiting for Internet sites to load in this year, collectively: 28,626,200,000

The number of cars produced worldwide this year: 33,887,600

$40,000-$60,000 - the amount one of Grateful Dead leader Jerry Garcia's Gibson guitars is expected to fetch at a Christie's auction on December 17.

122,173,800 - the number of people born this year, so far, on the entire planet.

50,236,953 - the number of people who have died this year.

LETTERS FROM SANTA

A LETTER FROM SANTA:

The Postal Service is offering tips for how to get a return letter from Santa after you child sends him a holiday wish list. Help your child address the letter to Santa at the North Pole, Alaska, including a complete return address with a Zip code, to let your child know Santa knows where to write back. Then write a personal response from Santa for your child and put it in a stamped envelope addressed to him or her, including a North Pole return address.

Put that envelope inside a larger one and mail it to:

North Pole Christmas Cancellation
Postmaster5400 Mail Trail
Fairbanks, Alaska 99709-9998

The Postal Service will stamp the letter to your child with a North Pole postmark and deliver it back. To ensure enough time for the mail turnaround, mail your request by December 10th.

WORLD AIDS DAY 2004

World AIDS Day - the international day of action on HIV and AIDS which takes place every year on 1 December.

World AIDS Day is about getting involved so that everyone can make a difference in the global fight against HIV and AIDS. It's about people from different and diverse backgrounds pulling together, in the same direction, to inform and educate people of all ages about HIV and AIDS.

This year’s theme is “Women, Girls, HIV and AIDS,” which reflects a focus on how the effects of HIV/AIDS have significantly increased among women. Women now make up half of all people living with HIV worldwide, and 57 percent of these women live in sub-Saharan Africa. In that region, women are infected at an earlier age than men, and the ratio of new infections among women compared to men is even higher within the 15–24 age group. Poverty, instability, violence, lack of access to adequate health care, and ignorance all contribute to the problem.

In the United States, up to 950,000 Americans are estimated to have HIV, with 40,000 new infections every year. Among women, minorities—particularly African Americans—are hit by the vast majority of AIDS cases. Rates of HIV/AIDS diagnoses in African-American women are 19 times higher than those of white women and 5 times higher than those of Hispanic women in the 32 states with stable HIV/AIDS reporting. AIDS is one of the leading causes of death among all women aged 25-44 years.

Please join the Women at Risk Coalition in raising awareness about AIDS. The panel discussion with a light lunch provided will be held from 11 to 1:00 at 1112 SW Tennessee Avenue. If you would like more information about the Women at Risk Coalition, please contact Jennifer Whitehead at 351-1664.

For more information:

http://aids.org/
http://www.cdc.gov/

THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS

THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS AT TODAYS PRICES

Every year since 1984, PNC Advisors has calculated the market cost of buying your true love all the gifts in the song "The Twelve Days Of Christmas." Strangely, it's been an economic indicator that has closely mirrored the government's Consumer Price Index.

In 1984, after all the receipts were added up, the cost of all the gifts in the song "The Twelve Days of Christmas" would have set you back $12,623. Today, the total cost has climbed to $17,297, a 1.6 percent annualized increase over 20 years. And it's up 2.4% over last year.

How many presents is it in total? A whopping 78 presents.

If you repeat the gifts on each successive day like the song says to, then the total bill will be $66,334, up from $65,264 in 2003. That's a 1.6% increase.

A few of the individual gifts showed significantly higher spikes in price over last year. For instance, pear trees and geese both went up 20%, and French hens went up a whopping 200%.

The maids-a-milking -- the only unskilled labor in the song -- have not been affected. Based on the same minimum wage as last year, the cost for one hour of the eight maids' time remains flat at $41.20.

Bargain hunters take note -- turtle doves and gold rings are both a bit cheaper this year.

Buying your gifts for all twelve days on the Internet? It'll cost a lot more -- $27,736.50.

The full price breakdown (not bought using the Internet):

Partridge in a Pear Tree - $93 (Partridge - $15; Pear Tree - $78)
Two Turtle Doves - $40
Three French Hens - $45
Four Calling Birds - $396
Five Gold Rings - $255
Six Geese-a-Laying - $210
Seven Swans-a-Swimming - $3,500
Eight Maids-a-Milking - $41.20
Nine Ladies Dancing - $4,400.13
Ten Lords-a-Leaping - $4,039.08
Eleven Pipers Piping - $2,053.20
Twelve Drummers Drumming - $2,224.30

INTERNET AND PORN JUNKIES

In the news today -

INTERNET DATING TURNS INTO REALITY TV: The Ashley Madison Agency is the basis for a new reality TV program to be produced by two Hollywood heavy-hitters. The program focuses on The Ashley Madison Agency, a real life matchmaking service that caters to attached people seeking extramarital affairs and will delve into why people stray, profiling actual members and following them as they make connections, play trysts and go on dates. The Ashley Madison Agency has taken the world of Internet dating to a whole new level since its launch in early 2002. With signups in the thousands every month it is the world's largest and fastest-growing online social networking community of its kind.

WOMEN CAN BE PORN JUNKIES TOO: Women who look at online porn are just as likely as men to become smut junkies -- a habit as potent as heroin addiction -- and it's causing many to download themselves out of house and home, researchers say. "The old school of thought was that women couldn't become porn addicts, just like they couldn't become alcoholics," Virtual Addiction author Dr. David Greenfield, an assistant professor of psychology at the University of Connecticut, told the New York Post. But according to Nielsen//NetRatings, 28 percent of all Americans who visited porn sites last month were women. "We're now seeing widespread abuse of porn by women, which can lead to job loss or the breakup of their primary relationship," Greenfield said.
Manhattan psychotherapist Gail Appel says that that four years ago, none of her female patients were Internet-porn junkies. Today they make up at least 5 percent of her practice. She says that female porn addicts are typically in their late 20s to 30s -- married or single, straight or gay -- who spend six hours or more a day online.